"Would you please.." vs. "Could you please..." vs. "Please do X ...

“Would you please…” is what you say if you know/assume the person is capable of doing what you ask, and you're just hoping they will. “Could you ... "Wouldyouplease.."vs."Couldyouplease..."vs."PleasedoX."Whatsoundsbest? InMyHumbleOpinion(IMHO) purplehorseshoe January20,2011,11:41pm #1 Havingaslightdebatehereatwork.Weareslowlychanginghowsomethingisdone,andweneedtocommunicatetoourclientsthatfromnowonwe’dpreferthattheydoXinsteadofY.(It’sminor:sendusstuffviaanonlineformratherthanviaemail.We’renotaskingforthemoonhere.) Mymanagerthinksouremailsshouldstartwith“CouldyoupleaseXinsteadofY?”Oneco-workerthings“Wouldyouplease…”soundsnicer,whileanotherco-workerandIthinkbrevityisbestandthinkstartingtheemailwith“PleasedoX…”wouldbethewaytogo. Managerbelievesphrasingitasaquestionismorepolitethanacommandingtone,butpersonally,Ithinkherphrasingsoundskindabitchy.Likeanaggingroommate(“Couldyoupuh-leezenotleaveyourdishesinthesink?!!”)thoughmaybethat’smyownpersonalfilter.Sowhatsayye,DopersoftheCorporateWorld? Hangonasec,I’llsetupapoll… WhyNot January20,2011,11:45pm #2 Wouldyoupleasesetupthatpollalready?! Isthissomethingtheyhavetodo,orsomethingyou’dlikethemtodo?Ithinkifit’sachangeinyourpolicy,it’sbesttostateitassuch.“EffectiveJanuary30,ourWidgetwillnolongerbeavailable.TheDoodadhasbeendesignedtoreplacetheWidget.PleasedonotplaceanymoreordersforWidgets,ordertheDoodadinstead.”ETA:Itsoundsstrongandconfidentinyourbusinesschoicetome. Butifyourbossishellbentonphrasingitintheformofarequest,I’dchoose“would”over“could”.Ihadoneofthosesmartassparentswhoanswered“could”questionsliterally,andtrained“would”intome. “Couldyoupassthesalt,please?” “Yes,Icould.”keepseating :smack: Kalypso January20,2011,11:47pm #3 Ilike“couldyouplease”becauseitseemsmorepassivelypolitetome.“Ifitwouldn’tbetoomuchofabother,couldyou…?”TheoneIhatemostis,“YouneedtodoX.”Iliketobeaskedtodothings,nottold,andcertainlynottoldwhatI“need”todo. Dead_Cat January21,2011,12:13am #4 IagreewithWhyNot-inthiscontext,youshouldprovideabriefexplanationofwhyit’sbestforyourcustomerstodothingsthenewway.Forexample:“Inorderforyourordertobeprocessedmostefficiently,pleaseuseournewon-lineorderformratherthansendingordersbye-mail.”Wouldthatwork? Ifnot,andyouhavetogowithoneofthethreeoptions,Ithinkthefirsttwocomeacrossasslightlypatronisingandtoomuchlikeateachertalkingtoachild,soIthinkthethirdoneisthebestbet.Infact,thephraseIsuggestedaboveprobablyworksevenbetterinthisformat:“Pleaseuseournewon-lineorderformratherthanorderingbye-mail,ifpossible.Thiswillallowustoprocessyourordermoreefficiently.Thankyou.” statsman1982 January21,2011,12:17am #5 Ilike“Wouldyoukindly,…” Itcanbearemarkablyeffectiveturnofphraseintherightcircumstances. DCnDC January21,2011,12:21am #6 Whenyoumakeameekrequestyousound,well,meek.Ihatethatshit.There’snothingwrongatallwithmakingafirmbutpolitestatementofinstruction.DeadCat’ssuggestionswereperfect,minusthe“ifpossible.” thelurkinghorror January21,2011,12:24am #7 statsman1982: Ilike“Wouldyoukindly,…” Itcanbearemarkablyeffectiveturnofphraseintherightcircumstances. Itcanbemisusedhorribly,especiallyifyouhappentoliveinRapture. Ithinkthat“wouldyouplease”isoneofthosephrasesthatisintendedtosoundextra-polite,butinsteadcomesoffmuchmorecondescendingthan“could.” Two_Many_Cats January21,2011,2:10am #8 “Wouldyouplease…”ismorecorrect,but“Couldyouplease…”soundsfolksier,soitsoundsnicer.“Please…whatever”cansoundbossyorimpatientdependingonhowit’sused. I’vealwaysused“Youmightwanna…”myself. Sunspace January21,2011,3:01am #9 “Couldyouplease…”canbedangerously-inaccurate.Itcanbetakenasarequesttodothetask,orasmeaningthatyou’reaskingthemwhethertheyarecapableofdoingthetask.I’davoidthisphrasing. Ifit’samandatorychangeinpolicy,gowith“Please…”. Ifit’spreferred,butnotyetmandatory(boththeoldandthenewwaywork),gowith“Wouldyouplease…”. Relatedanecdote:onedayatmyoldjob,IwentdowntothemailroomtoaskthemwhethertheycouldordermesomeA4paperoutoftheirbigoffice-suppliescatalogue.Thisisnottheusualmemo-sizepaperinCanada;wearestillweddedtoUSletter-sizepaperforourmemos,soit’sabitofaspecialtyitem,andyouusuallyhavetospecial-orderit. Iwantedtofindoutwhetheritwaspossibletoorderit,incaseweneededsomelater.Myquestionwasinterpretedasarequesttoorderit,andafewweekslaterIgotamessagerfromthemailroom,“Yourpaperisin!” “Paper?Whatpaper?” “Thepaperyouordered!TheA4!” “Uh,Iwasjustaskingwhetheryoucouldorderit,incaseweneededtolater…” “Oh.” “I’llbedowntogetit…” Iendeduptakingithome. purplehorseshoe January21,2011,3:41pm #10 Sunspace: “Couldyouplease…”canbedangerously-inaccurate.Itcanbetakenasarequesttodothetask,orasmeaningthatyou’reaskingthemwhethertheyarecapableofdoingthetask.I’davoidthisphrasing. Interestingly,thisissimilartothereasoningmymanagerexpressed:“Tome,whenyouask“could”youaregivingthepersontheoptiontosay“no”andIdonotwishtoofferthatoption!” Sunspace: Ifit’samandatorychangeinpolicy,gowith“Please…”. Ifit’spreferred,butnotyetmandatory(boththeoldandthenewwaywork),gowith“Wouldyouplease…”. Relatedanecdote:… It’s,asyousaid,preferredbutnotmandatory…ominousnoiseyet. DeadCat,yoursuggestionisindeedaverygoodone,andImightbringitupverbatimasanoption,sothankyouinadvance.Myonlyconcernisthatourclients,blesstheirhearts,sometimesseemtobarelyreadouremailsanyway.Perhaps(warning,highlycharitablebest-casescenarioahead!)theyareverybusyandsometimesonlyskimthetext.WhichwaswhyIwasgoingwiththebriefesttextpossible. Sally_Mander January21,2011,3:50pm #11 Two_Many_Cats: “Wouldyouplease…”ismorecorrect,but“Couldyouplease…”soundsfolksier,soitsoundsnicer." ThisiswhatIwasgoingtosay,exactly. “Wouldyou…”cancomeoffascondescendingorpatronizingeventhoughit’sgrammaticallycorrect. Thudlow_Boink January21,2011,3:52pm #12 Sunspace: “Couldyouplease…”canbedangerously-inaccurate.Itcanbetakenasarequesttodothetask,orasmeaningthatyou’reaskingthemwhethertheyarecapableofdoingthetask.I’davoidthisphrasing. Iagree;tome,thephraseshavedifferentmeanings. “Wouldyouplease…”iswhatyousayifyouknow/assumethepersoniscapableofdoingwhatyouask,andyou’rejusthopingtheywill.“Couldyouplease…”assumestheymightnotbeableto. Leaffan January21,2011,4:22pm #13 You’rechangingthewaysomethingisdone;you’renotaskingtopossibly,maybe,sortof,dosomethingdifferently. “PleasedoX”…isfine. Azeotrope January21,2011,5:19pm #14 DCnDC: Whenyoumakeameekrequestyousound,well,meek.Ihatethatshit.There’snothingwrongatallwithmakingafirmbutpolitestatementofinstruction.DeadCat’ssuggestionswereperfect,minusthe“ifpossible.” Agreed.Itgetstothepointwithoutbeingwishy-washy. Ialsoagreethat“could”leavesyouopentothesmartasseswhowillsay“YesIcanbutIwon’t”and“would”leaves“NoIwon’t!”asanoption. Inmyexperience“Wouldyoukindly…”tendstobemoreappropriatetoveryformalbusinesscorrespondence,notasimplerequest. Kimmy_Gibbler January21,2011,6:20pm #15 Wouldyou/Couldyou/Pleasedothis,notthat…noneoftheseistherealissue.Whatyouwanttodoisleadwithhowthismakesyourcustomer’slifeeasier(“HouseofCrabsisexcitedtoannouncethedebutofit’swebreservationssystem.Thisnewsystemgivescustomersaquickandreliablewayofplacingreservationsfordinnertonightoruptofourweeksfromnow.Tryitouttodayatwww.crabs.com/webreservations”) Next,disincentivizethebehavioryouwanttodiscourage.(“Pleasenote,withthedeploymentofthissystem,weregretwewillnolongerbeabletotakereservationsbyemail.”) Then,whentheyemailyourcompany,haveanautomatedresponsealertingthemthattheservicetheyseekisavailableonline,justfollowthislinkintheemail.(Orifthey’resendingittoyourownaccountratherthanadedicatedaccount,haveaboilerplateresponsetothesameeffect.Andevenbetter,ifitisabigcustomerorthechancetomakeatonofmoney,youcanmakeajudiciousexceptiontotheruleanddowhateverbyemailinsteadofthewebformanyway.) NinetyWt January21,2011,7:20pm #16 Ifindthatinstructionsaremorelikelytobecarriedoutthemore“clean”theyare.Ilikethingstobeclear,concise,andtothepoint. Iwouldleaveoutanysofteningwordlike“would”or“could”andgostraighttothepoint.Imightevenleaveoffthe“please”. “Ourprocesshasrecentlychanged,thereforefromnowonwhenyoudoXyouwillalsoneedtodoY”. Renee January21,2011,7:52pm #17 Igenerallypreferthe“couldyouplease”phrasing,butinthiscase,I’dgowithsomethinglike“We’veupdatedoursystemsowecanserveyoumoreefficiently.AllXnowneedstobedoneY.”Becausethisisn’treallyarequest,somuch,asanewwayofoperatingyourbusiness. Sunspace January21,2011,8:20pm #18 Kimmy_Gibbler: Wouldyou/Couldyou/Pleasedothis,notthat…noneoftheseistherealissue.Whatyouwanttodoisleadwithhowthismakesyourcustomer’slifeeasier(“HouseofCrabsisexcitedtoannouncethedebutofit’swebreservationssystem.Thisnewsystemgivescustomersaquickandreliablewayofplacingreservationsfordinnertonightoruptofourweeksfromnow.Tryitouttodayatwww.crabs.com/webreservations”) Yes.Whilethenewsystemmaymakeyourinternalprocessmoreefficient,thecustomersreallydon’tcareaboutthat.Theycareaboutthegoodeffectsthechangeswillhaveontheirprocesses. (Andit’s“debutofitswebreservationssystem”.Noapostrophe.) Kimmy_Gibbler: Next,disincentivizethebehavioryouwanttodiscourage.(“Pleasenote,withthedeploymentofthissystem,weregretwewillnolongerbeabletotakereservationsbyemail.”) Besuretogivefirmdatesfortheavailabilityofthenewsystem,andtheretirementoftheold.Clarityaboutchangesisgood,especiallywhenthesystemconcernedsupportsthearrivalofcustomers’money. Butwhateveryoudo,don’tusewordslike‘disincentivize’. Kimmy_Gibbler: Then,whentheyemailyourcompany,haveanautomatedresponsealertingthemthattheservicetheyseekisavailableonline,justfollowthislinkintheemail.(Orifthey’resendingittoyourownaccountratherthanadedicatedaccount,haveaboilerplateresponsetothesameeffect.Andevenbetter,ifitisabigcustomerorthechancetomakeatonofmoney,youcanmakeajudiciousexceptiontotheruleanddowhateverbyemailinsteadofthewebformanyway.) Thiscouldbecoveredunderapolicyofspecialcases. Renee: Igenerallypreferthe“couldyouplease”phrasing,butinthiscase,I’dgowithsomethinglike“We’veupdatedoursystemsowecanserveyoumoreefficiently.AllXnowneedstobedoneY.”Becausethisisn’treallyarequest,somuch,asanewwayofoperatingyourbusiness. Again,the“moreefficiently”phrasingistoogeneralandmightbemisinterpreted.Whereistheincreasedefficiencylocated?Youareoperatingmoreefficiently,butthecustomermayhaveaprocesstunedtoworkwiththeoldsystem(“justpushthisbuttonanditsendsanemailwithallthedetailstotheirorderingsystem!”),andthechangeovermayincreaseinefficiencyintheirsystemuntiltheyadapt. Say,rather,“Ournewsystemenablesustotakeyourordersmoreefficiently.”Ordon’tmentionreasonsatall,justpresentitasadonedeal. guizot January21,2011,8:29pm #19 Two_Many_Cats: “Wouldyouplease…”ismorecorrect… Allofthesearecorrectwaystomakearequestingeneral,butthelanguagehasthesedifferencestoindexdifferentrelationshipsanddegreeofauthorityonewantstoinvoke.Whenwechooseoneortheotheroftheseweeitherreinforcethestatusquooftherelationshiporassertsomechangeinit.Ineffect,everytimeweinteractwithlanguagewearecontinuallydoingthis–speakingtooneanotheritselfisanactbywhichwedefineourrelationships. There’sacontinuumrangingfromrequesttocommandthattheseexpressionsmark.“Youmightwanna”isagoodexampleofhowaspeakercanlocateanddefinearelationshipinaparticularway,andthereisnothing“incorrect”aboutitinthisregard.(Infact,therewasathreadonthisboardrecentlyabout“I’mgonnaneedyouto.” Peremensoe January21,2011,8:31pm #20 Ifindphrasing-as-a-questionobnoxiousunlessit’smeanttoactuallybeaquestion.Ifthere’snoroomforaresponseof“no,we’regoingtokeepdoingXbecauseofY,”andit’sreallymeanttobeadirective,justsaysodirectly. nextpage→