The Truth About "The Secret" | Mark Manson

This is the confirmation bias on steroids, and it can be dangerous: taking on risky business ventures or investments, ignoring red flag behaviors from a ... MenuArticlesCompleteArchiveBestArticlesArticleAudiosBooksMyBooksReadingListFreeEbooksNewsletterAboutAboutMarkEditorialProcessContactSchoolTheStaggeringBullshitof“TheSecret”Evidence-BasedTheSecret—or"LawofAttraction"—teachesself-absorptionandblindacceptanceofyouremotions,andIcallbullshitonallofit.IhateTheSecret.There,Isaidit.IknowI’maself-developmentbloggerandI’msupposedtokeepeverythinglightandairyandfullofpoopjokes,butfuckit—Ihateit.It’sanawfulbook.Anditneedstobesaid. Everygenerationinthepastcenturyhashadabreakoutself-helpbookthatsellsabazillioncopiesandbulldozesthroughafewmillionpeople’swallets.NapoleonHill’sThinkandGrowRich1diditfirstin1936.ThenitwasNormanVincentPeale’sThePowerofPositiveThinking2about20yearslater.ThenTonyRobbins’AwakentheGiantWithin3camealonginthe’90s.Thislastgo-round,it’sbeenRhondaByrne’sTheSecret,4ashortandpithyreadthatdescribesthe(in)famous“LawofAttraction.”5 Thefunnythingaboutallofthesebooksisthattheyallmoreorlesssaythesamething:mindyourownthoughts,staypositiveandfocusedonyourgoals,ignoreself-doubtandcriticism,visualizeandconcentrateonwhatyouwantandyouwilleventuallyhaveit. Eachbookbringsitsowngenerationaledgetothesamefundamentalidea.Hill’sbook,launchedimmediatelyafterTheGreatDepression,focusedintentlyonmakingmoneyandgettingrich.Peale’swork,launchedafterWorldWarII,focusedoncreatingacalmandhappydomesticlifewithgoodrelationships.Robbins’book,thebibleofbabyboomermid-lifecrisesinthe’90s,focusedonself-actualizationandlivinguptoone’spotential. It’snotsurprisingthenthatByrne’swork,launchedamidthesocialmedia/smartphoneage,bringsaharrowingnarcissism6 andan“I’mthecenteroftheuniverse”angletothesameoldideas.Andyet,whileallofthepreviousbooksofferdecentorevenquitegoodadviceforstretches,TheSecretisfullofmisplacedclichés,sillyquotes,andsuperstitiousdrivel.It’saplaybookforentitlementandself-absorptionandIthinkthatanybodywhoreadsitandimplementsitsadviceinanyseriouswaywilllikelymakethemselvesworseoffinthelongrun. IwillbrieflysummarizethemainpointsofTheSecretandthenexplainwhymanypeopleinitiallyfindthattheadvice“works”forthem.Iwillthenexplainhowthisadvice,whileperhapsmakingonefeelbetterintheshortrun,ultimatelymakesoneworseoffinthelongrun.I’llconcludewithsomeofmymusingsaboutthecultishbeliefsofpositivethinkingattheendofthearticle.That’sassumingImakeitthatfarwithoutputtingmyheadinanovenfirst. TableofContents Whatis‘TheSecret’? How‘TheLawofAttraction’ActuallyWorks(sortof) How‘TheSecret’CanScrewYouUp ThePyramidSchemeofTheLawofAttraction Whatis‘TheSecret’? “TheSecret”issimplythe“lawofattraction.”Essentially,thelawofattractionstatesthatwhateverconsumesyourthoughtsiswhatyouwilleventuallygetinlife.So,ifyouthinkofallthethingsyoudon’twantinyourlife,you’llonlygetthethingsyoudon’twant.Bycontrast,ifyouonlyenvisionthethingsyouwantinyourlife,thenyouwillgeteverythingyouwantinlife. Whereaspreviousself-helpauthorshavehardlyevenbotheredtryingtoexplainwhythelawofattractionworks,Byrneunabashedlydivesintosomecosmologicalnonsense.ShearguesthatthereasonTheSecretworksisbecauseTheUniverseismadeupofenergy(and,asEinsteintaughtus,mattercanbeconvertedtoenergyandviceversa)7andallenergyhasafrequency.Yourthoughtsalsoemitafrequency,andlikeattractslike;therefore,thefrequencyofyourthoughts—goodorbad—willresonatewiththefrequencyofother“energies”—goodorbad—inTheUniverse.8 Ifyouonlyworryaboutdebtandnothavingenoughmoneyandsaytoyourselfoverandover“Ican’taffordthat,”thenTheUniversewillrespondinkindandyouwillalwaysbepoor. Ifyoubelievethatyouarerichandwealthyandsuccessful,TheUniversewillrespondtothesevibrationsandsoonprovideyouwiththewealthandsuccessyoudesire. Ifyouthinkyouarefatandunhealthyandwillneverbeingoodhealth,thenyou’llnevergetslimandfitbecauseTheUniversewillkeepprovidingyouwithexperiencesthatkeepyoufatandunhealthy. Ifyoubelievethatyouarethinandbeautiful,thenTheUniversewillmagicallydeliverhealthy,skinnygoodness—likerawcarrotsandthreehoursonthetreadmill—everymorning,righttoyourfrontdoor. Orsomething. How‘TheLawofAttraction’ActuallyWorks(sortof) Thelawofattractionisactuallyjustacandiedupversionofanoldpsychologicalconceptcalledthe“confirmationbias.”Theconfirmationbiasiswell-studiedandresearchershaveknownaboutitfordecades.9Italsomakesahellofalotmoresensethanthe“ThoughtsasVibrations”theory. Ashumanbeings,wehavealimitedamountofattentionforallthestuffgoingonaroundus.Therefore,whetherwerealizeitornot(usuallynot),wearealwayschoosingwhatwepayattentionto.Theconfirmationbiasisthehumanmind’stendencytonoticeandpaymoreattentiontoobjectsandexperiencesthatmatchitspreexistingthoughtsandbeliefs.Itdoesthisforthesimplereasonthatitisbiologicallyeconomicalandefficient.10 We’veallexperiencedtheconfirmationbiasmillionsoftimes,you’veprobablyjustneverrealizeditbefore.Forexample,youspendyearsnotreallypayingattentiontowhatkindofcarpeopledrive.Butthenthetimecomesforyoutostartthinkingaboutbuyingacarandsuddenlyyounoticethemakeandmodelofcarsallovertheplace.Youstartmakingdecisionsaboutwhichstylesyoulikeandwhatfeaturesyoucareabout.Youstartnoticingthesedetailsbecause,forthefirsttime,theyaresalientandrelevanttoyourthoughtsanddesires,whereasbeforetheyweren’t. Orlet’ssaythataclosefriendbreaksyourtrustandyouhaveahugefight.Suddenlyyoufindyourselfthinkingbackandnoticingallsortsofshadyandquestionablebehaviorfromyourfriendthatyounevernoticedorthoughtaboutbefore.Thingsyoucan’tbelieveyouoverlookedormissed.Butbefore—becauseyoutrustedyourfriend—youdidn’tnoticethem.Nowthatyoudon’ttrustthem,younoticealongtrailofredflags. Essentially,TheSecretisanattempttoleveragetheconfirmationbiastoone’sadvantage.Theideaisthatifyou’reconstantlythinkingpositivethoughtsaboutyourself,youwillbegintonoticelittlethingsinyourexperiencesthatconfirmthesebeliefs,thushelpingthemcometrue.Ontheotherhand,ifyou’reconstantlythinkingnegativefeelingsaboutyourself,thenegativefeedbackinyourenvironmentwillstandouttoyou,thusmakingyoufeelworse. TheSecretadvocatesthatpeopleassumetheidentitiesofthepersontheywishtobecome—toactuallybelievethattheyarealreadyrich,alreadyskinnyandhealthy,alreadyinaperfectrelationship.Essentially,TheSecrettellsyoutobecomedelusionallypositiveaboutyourselfforalongenoughperiodoftimethatyournaturalconfirmationbiaskicksinandyouonlyattendtothethingsinyourlifethatmatchthesenewbeliefs. Thismayactuallybebeneficial—atleastatfirst—forpeoplewhohavesomeprettyfuckedupanddelusionalnegativebeliefsaboutthemselves.Simplychangingthewayyouseethingsfrom“alwaysshitty”to“alwaysgreat”wouldprobablyhaveaprettybigimpactinalotofareasforsomepeople. Butatsomepoint,youactuallyhaveto,youknow,dosomething… How‘TheSecret’CanScrewYouUp TheSecretactuallyrequiresthatyouneverdoubtyourself,neverconsidernegativerepercussions,andneverindulgeinnegativethoughts.11Thisistheconfirmationbiasonsteroids,anditcanbedangerous:takingonriskybusinessventuresorinvestments,ignoringredflagbehaviorsfromaromanticpartner,denyingpersonalproblemsorhealthissues,avoidingnecessaryconfrontations,failingtoweighthepossibilityoffailureindecisionmaking,andsoon.Whilethissortof“delusionallypositive”thinkingmaymakeonefeelbetterinsome(orevenmany)situations,asalong-termlifestrategyitisutterlydisastrous. Here’sjustoneexampleofhowtheconfirmation-bias-with-good-intentionsstrategycouldgohorriblywrong:Let’ssayyouareworkingonacureforcancerandyouthinkDrugXisthehotticket.DrugXmighthelphundredsofmillions,evenbillionsofpeopleandyouwouldberich,famous,andlovedbyall.Youdofourexperimentswiththedrug—twoofthemsuggestthatthedrugworks,twoofthemdon’t. ButyoureadTheSecretandyoutoldTheUniversethatyouwouldfindacureforcancer.SoyouplowaheadwithDrugX,pouringmoney,time,brainpower,andpreciousresourcesintoit.YourationalizethenegativeresultsawaybecausedoubtingyourselfistantamounttodoubtingTheUniverse,andnoonefuckswithTheUniverse.12Andyet,thetruthis,notonlyareyounotgettinganyclosertocuringcancer,you’realsoleadingresearchersanddoctorsdownafruitlessrabbithole.Andforwhat?Tofeelalittlebetteraboutyourself? Looksliketheuniverseissendingusabigsmellyfart. Anotherexampleisyourlovelife.Youmightsendthe“thoughtfrequency”toTheUniversethatyouwantsomeonewhoiskindandgenerousandthoughtful.Soonenough,youfindsomeonewhoseemskindandgenerousandthoughtfulandyou’reoverthemoon,pissingyourpantsinexcitementattheamaze-sauceleakingoutofyournewlover.But,infact,whileyournewpartneriskindandgenerousandthoughtful,they’realsokindofafuckup.Andinyour“delusionallypositive”mindset,youchosetooverlookallofthoseredflagsandpotentiallyawfulbehaviors,andyougotyourselfheart-deepintoarelationshipthatisgoingtobeaboutasgoodforyouremotionalstabilityasHurricaneKatrinawasfortheNewOrleanslevees.Andno,GeorgeBushstilldoesn’tcareaboutblackpeople.13 Butthisprescriptionfor“delusionallypositive”thinkingcanhavenegativeconsequencesforpeopleaswell.Psychologicalresearchshowsthattryingtosuppressthoughtsaboutsomethingonlymakesthosethoughtsmorelikelytorecur.14Infact,ruminationandobsessionappeartooperateinthismanner,especiallyinpeoplewithchronicmentaldisorderslikeOCD,15depression,16andanxiety17—themoreyoutrytogetridofunwantedthoughts,themorethesethoughtsdominateyourmentalspace.It’slikeifItellyou,“Neverthinkaboutapinkelephant!”thefirstthingthatlikelypopsintoyourmindisapinkelephant.Thinkingaboutthethingsyoudonotwantcanleadtomorenegativethinkingandputyouinaviciouscycleofnegativity. Researchalsoshowsthatactivelyengaginginpositivethinking,suchaswhenyouimaginegettingajob,doingwellonanexam,orevensuccessfullyrecoveringaftersurgery,canactuallyresultinpooreroutcomes.18Psychologiststhinkthatthiskindofdelusionalpositivethinkingcanmakeuscomplacentandlazy,asthoughwealreadyaccomplishedsomethingwehaveyettoaccomplish,causingustoputforthlesseffortandtofeellessmotivated.19 Nottomentiontherejustarethingsyoucannotwishfor.Afellownon-believerdecidedtogiveTheSecretatestdriveandfollowByrne’sadvicefortwomonths.InspiredbyhowByrneclaimedthatsherestoredhereyesightafterthreedaysbyonlythinkingaboutit,thisskepticwishedforTheUniversetotakecareofherpollenallergies,stoppedtakinghermedication,andendedupwithasinusinfection.Duringthistime,thisfellowskepticwasalsoinneedofanewdesk.TogetitTheSecret-style,sheabandonedhersearchandinsteadexpressedhergratitudetoTheUniverseforitsarrival.Butalas,nodeskemergedaftersixweeksofintensevisualizing.Therearejustthingsyoucannotthinkintobeing.Tobelieveotherwiseisdelusional. Otherstudiesalsoshowthatpeoplewhoengagein“self-affirmations”andarethenpresentedwithinformationthatthreatenstheiraffirmation(evenhealthycriticismorfeedback)actuallyengageinmorefaultyreasoningthanpeoplewhodon’tuseself-affirmations.20Infact,peoplewhoindulgeindelusionalpositivethinkingironicallybecomedownrightangrywhensomeonetriestocontradicttheirwallofairy-fairythoughts.Thetruthabouttheirsituationjustbecomesthatmuchmorepainfultothem. Delusionalpositivethinkingironicallygeneratesgreaterclosed-mindednessinpeople.Theymustalwaysbevigilantandblockoutpotentiallynegativefeedbackorcriticismoftheirbeliefs,evenifthatnegativefeedbackislife-or-deathimportanttotheirhealthandwell-being. Ontopofallofthat,asIhavearguedatlengthpreviouslyonthisblog,weareallreallybadatpredictingwhatwillmakeushappyand/ormiserableinthefuture.So,byusingthelawofattraction,wemightspendallthistimeandenergybuildinga“futurelife”thatisn’twhatwewantatall. MaybeweenvisionhavingdrunkenorgieseverynightofourlivesandsoweseekoutswingersandweirdkinkysexgroupsonCraigslistand,turnsout,it’snotallthatgreatanditkindofmakesusdepressed…butTheUniversegaveittousbecauseweaskedforit!Ithinkit’shealthier(andmorepractical)toreservejudgmentonwhatIwillorwillnotlikeuntilIfindoutthroughmyownexperience,ratherthanjustmakeshitupandhopeitworksoutwell. Ultimately,thelawofattractionstatesthatifyoujustthinkaboutwhatyouwant,itwillcometoyou—whentakentoitslogicalextreme,itencouragesyoutoalwaysbewantingsomething,toneverbecontent,andthiscanmakeuslesshappyinthelongrun.Atsomepoint,wemustallcometotermswiththestrugglesandfailuresinourlives,becauseweallhavethem.This,ironically,isamorelogicalpathtosuccessthansimplywishingincessantlyforallofyourdreamstocometrue.Don’twishforgoodrewards.Wishforgoodproblems. ThePyramidSchemeofTheLawofAttraction There’sanironytoallofthismess,ofcourse.Ifyou’redesperateenoughtofeelbetteraboutyourselfbyadoptingaphilosophyofdelusionalpositivity,thatphilosophywillappealtoothersaroundyouwhoarealsodesperatetofeelbetteraboutthemselves.Inthisway,byadoptingadelusionalpositivity,youattractandsurroundyourselfwithotherswhoarealsodelusionallypositive. Thisiskindofmytheoryforwhythisstrainofthoughthaspersistedacrossgenerations:it’sapsychologicalpyramidschemeofsorts.Youtakeonepersonwhodecidestoignorerealityinfavoroffeelinggoodallthetime.Thissortofself-absorptionthenturnsoffanybodywhoiscontentandrational,andinsteadattractsthemostdesperateandgullible.Thisperson,delusionallypositivetothebrim,thenironicallyattractsandsurroundsthemselveswithotherdelusionallypositivefollowers. Yearslater,oneofthesedelusionallypositivefollowersthendecidesto“manifest”theirdreamsbyspreadingthelawofattractionfurthertootherdesperatewell-wishers.Thechainofpositivitycarriesonthiswaythroughthegenerations,whereeachauthor,blogger,orseminarleaderwhospeaksardentlyofmanifestingone’spurpose,orbelievingoneselftohappinessandbliss,orlisteningtoTheUniverse,generatesanewpopulationofdelusionallypositivefollowerswhothengoonanddothesamethingalloveragain. Andsoitgoes,onthroughtheyearsanddownthroughthegenerations.Byrneisjustthelatestmanifestation.Therewillbeothers. Thisstrainofpositivethinkinginfectspracticallytheentireself-helpindustry.Evenwritersandscientistswhodon’tengagedirectlyinthesillinessofaskingTheUniverseforbettervibrationsorwhateverstillrelyheavilyuponthebasicdogmaofbelievinginthepositive,suppressingorignoringthenegative,andseekingouthappinessaboveallelse. Inmyopinion,thiswholepremiseismisguided.It’sananestheticforone’spain,notaremedy.BookslikeTheSecretarelikeMcDonald’sforthemind.They’reeasyandmakeyoufeelgood,buttheyalsomakeyoumentallyfatandlazy—andemotionally,youdieamuchmorepainfuldeath. Callmecrazy,butIbelievethatchangingandimprovingyourliferequiresdestroyingapartofyourselfandreplacingitwithanewer,betterpartofyourself.Itistherefore,bydefinition,apainfulprocessfullofresistanceandanxiety.Youcan’tgrowmusclewithoutchallengingitwithgreaterweight.Youcan’tbuildemotionalresiliencewithoutforgingthroughhardshipandloss.Andyoucan’tbuildabettermindwithoutchallengingyourownbeliefsandassumptions. Sowhywouldweeverexpectthatbecomingabetterpersoniseasyorpleasantor…positive? Theseareall,bydefinition,difficultandstressfulactivities.AndIdon’tseehowonecouldeverdothesethingswhilerelyingonacrutchofdelusionallypositivebeliefs.Sure,perhapsbookslikeTheSecretactaslifepreserversforpeoplewhoareinsuchadarkandmiserableplacethattheyfeelasthoughthey’reconstantlydrowning.Butthepointofalifepreserveristokeepyouafloat.Eventually,youhavetolearntoswimtoshore. Footnotes Hill,N.,&Pell,A.R.(2005).ThinkandGrowRich:TheLandmarkBestsellerNowRevisedandUpdatedforthe21stCentury(Revised&enlargedEdition).TarcherPerigee.↵ Peale,D.N.V.(2003).ThePowerofPositiveThinking(ReprintEdition).Touchstone.↵ Robbins,T.(1992).AwakentheGiantWithin:HowtoTakeImmediateControlofYourMental,Emotional,PhysicalandFinancialDestiny!Simon&Schuster.↵ Byrne,R.(2006).TheSecret(10thAnniversaryEdition).AtriaBooks/BeyondWords.↵ NotethatByrnedidn’tcomeupwith‘TheLawofAttraction’—EarlNightingale,aself-helpwriterfromthe1950sdid.↵ Alotofresearchhasinvestigatedthepotentiallinkbetweensocialmediaandnarcissism.See:McCain,J.,&Campbell,W.(2018).NarcissismandSocialMediaUse:AMeta-AnalyticReview.PsychologyofPopularMediaCulture,7(3),308–327.↵ ThefamedE=mc2formula.Wikipediahasmoreifyou’reinterested!↵ I’mnotevengoingtogointohowpreposterousorscientificallyinsaneByrne’sclaimsare.Thatwouldlikelyrequireawhole‘nother3,000wordarticlebyitself.↵ Nickerson,R.S.(1998).Confirmationbias:Aubiquitousphenomenoninmanyguises.ReviewofGeneralPsychology,2(2),175.↵ Theevolutionaryexplanationhereisthatoutonthesavannah,youcouldn’taffordtobecomedistractedbythegrassorwillowtreesorhowtherewasmorehaironyourleftarmthanyourright.Youwerethinkingaboutfoodandyourfamilyandsoyouneededtobeprimedtonoticefoodandyourfamily.Theconfirmationbiasevolvedasamentalmechanismthathelpedkeepusaliveinextremelyharsh,primitiveconditions.↵ AsByrneputsit,“Whenyouallowathoughtofdoubttoenteryourmind,thelawofattractionwillsoonlineuponedoubtfulthoughtafteranother.Themomentathoughtofdoubtcomes,releaseitimmediately.”(p.89)↵ Ihaveonewordforyou:Theranos.↵ Inmanyways,KanyeWestistheepitomeofdelusionalpositivethinking:narcissistic,totallyself-absorbed,unbearabletobearound,yetoddlysuccessfuldespitehimself.↵ Wenzlaff,R.M.,&Wegner,D.M.(2000).Thoughtsuppression.AnnualReviewofPsychology,51(1),59–91.↵ Tolin,D.F.,Abramowitz,J.S.,Przeworski,A.,&Foa,E.B.(2002).Thoughtsuppressioninobsessive-compulsivedisorder.BehaviourResearchandTherapy,40(11),1255–1274.↵ Wenzlaff,R.M.,&Luxton,D.D.(2003).TheRoleofThoughtSuppressioninDepressiveRumination.CognitiveTherapyandResearch,27(3),293–308.↵ Becker,E.S.,Rinck,M.,Roth,W.T.,&Margraf,J.(1998).Don’tworryandbewareofwhitebears:Thoughtsuppressioninanxietypatients.JournalofAnxietyDisorders,12(1),39–55.↵ Kappes,H.B.,&Oettingen,G.(2011).Positivefantasiesaboutidealizedfuturessapenergy.JournalofExperimentalSocialPsychology,47(4),719–729.↵ Onethingthatgetslostallthetimeisthebeneficialeffectsofnegativeemotions.Anxietycanbeahellofamotivator.↵ Munro,G.D.,&Stansbury,J.A.(2009).Thedarksideofself-affirmation:confirmationbiasandillusorycorrelationinresponsetothreateninginformation.Personality&SocialPsychologyBulletin,35(9),1143–1153.↵ HowtoKnowWhoYouReallyAreIt'ssometimeshardtoknowwherewefitintosuchacomplicatedworldandwhoweareinit.I'veputtogethera49-pageebookthatwillhelpyoudigdowntothecoreofwhoyouarebyexploringyourpersonalvalues.You'llalsogetmymonthlynewsletter,lovinglycalledMindfuckMonthly.Youcanoptoutatanytime.Seemyprivacypolicy.Joinmynewsletterandgetafreeebook"3IdeastoChangeYourLife"PrivacyPolicy|Close:Don'tshowthisagainSubscribetomychannelonYoutubeClose:Don'tshowthisagainWait!HereAre3IdeasThatCouldChangeYourLifeLearnabouttheideathattransformedadepresseddeadbeatintooneofthemostimportantphilosopherswhoeverlived.Readaboutitinmyfree19-pageebook.I'mnotinterested.